 | If you define summer as three months of bad sledding. |
| If you think Alkaline batteries were named for a Tiger outfielder. |
| If you can identify an Ohio accent. |
| If your idea of a seven course meal is a six pack of Stroh’s and a bucket of smelt. |
| If owning a Japanese car is a hanging offense in your hometown. |
| If you know someone from Porch Yearn. |
| If half the people you know say they are from Detroit yet you don’t personally know
anyone that actually lives in Detroit. |
| If you know how to play Euchre. |
| If the Big Mac is something you drive across. |
| If you believe ‘Down South’ refers to Toledo. |
| If you bake with ‘soda’ and drink ‘pop.’ |
| If you drive 75 on the highway and always pass on the right. |
| If your kid's Little League baseball game has been snowed out. |
| If you know what a pasty is. |
| If you learned to drive a boat before you could ride a bike. |
| If you know Mackinac rhymes with Mackinaw. |
| If you occasionally cheer ‘GO Lions and take the Tigers with you’ |
| If the word ‘Thumb’ brings to mind a geographical rather than anatomical
definition. |
| If you've ever experienced frostbite and sunburn in the same week. |
| If you have any idea who Bob Ufer was. |
| If you expect to get Vernor’s when you order ginger ale. |
| If you know that Kalamazoo not only actually exists but isn’t too far from Hell. |
| If your favorite holidays are Thanksgiving, Christmas and the opening day of deer
season. |
| If your snowmobile and fishing boat have big block Chevy engines. |
| If either your mother or father disowns you for the week of the Michigan - Michigan
State game. |
| If your year has two seasons Winter and Construction. |
| If you know what a ‘millage’ is. |
| If traveling ‘coast to coast’ mean's going from Port Huron to Muskegon. |
| If half the change in your pocket is Canadian. |
| If you point at the palm of your right hand to explain to people where you grew up. |
| If you know someone who works at Fords and you periodically shop at Kmarts. |
| Snow tires come standard on all your cars. |
| At least 50% of your relatives work in the automotive industry. |
| Your definition of a small town is one that doesn't have a lake. |
| You have ever gotten frostbitten and sunburned in the same week. |
| You don't understand what the big deal about Chicago is. |
| Someone asks if you've been to Europe and you answer, "No but I've been to Ann
Arbor." |
| Octopus and hockey go together as naturally as hot dogs and baseball. |
| The "Big Three" can mean either Ford, Chrysler, and GM or Domino's, Little
Caesar's and Hungry Howies's. |
| You believe the only records worth buying are by either Ted Nugent or Bob Seger. |
| You only own three spices - salt, pepper, and ketchup. |
| You design your Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit. |
| The mosquitoes have landing lights. |
| You have more miles on your snow blower than your car. |
| Driving is better in the winter because the potholes get filled with snow. |
| You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car. |
| You frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the bears won't prowl on your deck. |
| You find -20F a little chilly. |
| The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer. |
| You can play road hockey on skates. |
| The municipality buys a zamboni before a bus. |
| You actually 'get' these jokes, and forward them to all your Northern friends. |
| The trees in your yard have spigots. |
| Your are not fazed by a traffic sign saying "Snowmobile Crossing." |
| You have no problem spelling names like Mackinac, Tahquamenon and Ypsilanti. |
| You know that it's usually warmer in Hell than in Paradise. (These are cities in Mich) |
| You used to believe Ernie Harwell when he said that the fly ball that went into the
stands at Tiger Stadium was caught by a man from Warren. |
| You don't have coughing fit after a sip of Vernors. |
| You visit Florida and are frustrated because the newspapers there don't report hockey
scores. |
| You refer to Kalamazoo, Ypsilanti and Ann Arbor as K-zoo, Ypsi tuckey and A-Squared. |
| You think that having clogged sinuses is normal. |
| You know all the lyrics to "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald." |
| You only know five spices-salt, pepper, Ranch dressing, BBQ Sauce and ketchup. |
| You design your Halloween costume to fit over Wranglers and Cowboy Boots. |
| The mosquitoes have landing lights. |
| You have more miles on your tractor than your car. |
| You have 10 favorite recipes for Deer meat. |
| You've taken your kids trick-or-treating when it was 90 degrees outside. |
| Driving is better after it's rained because the potholes are filled with mud and you
don't have to take those back roads to go "mudding." |
| You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons. |
| You owe more money on your bulldozer than your car. |
| The local paper covers national and international headlines on 1 page, but requires 6
pages for local sports. |
| You can write a check at Dairy Queen for 2 Hunger-Busters and fries. |
| At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant. |
| The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun. |
| Your leaf-blower gets stuck on the roof. |
| You think the start of Deer season is a national holiday. |
| You frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the coyotes won't prowl on your deck. |
| You know which leaves make good toilet paper. |
| The major county fund-raiser isn't bingo - it's sausage making. |
| You find 70 degrees Fahrenheit a little chilly. |
| The trunk of your car doubles as a sauna. |
| You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry, and your Cowboy
Boots. |
| You know 4 seasons - Almost Summer, Summer, Still Summer and Deer Season. |
| You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Texan friends. |
