|
| |
Life's Questions
Science:
 | If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan? |
| If buttered toast always lands buttered side down on the floor and a cat always lands on
its feet, what would happen if you tied a piece of buttered toast to the back of a cat and
dropped it? |
| If you are driving at the speed of light and turn on your headlights, what happens?
|
| If a cow laughs, does milk come out of it's nose? |
| You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes, why can't they make
the whole plane out of the same material? |
| Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? |
| If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from? |
| What happens if you bring pasta and anti-pasta together? |
| How does a Thermos know to keep it's contents hot or cold? |
| Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow, only to
be troubled and insecure? |
Language:
| Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds? |
| Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways? |
| Why we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase? |
| Why is Brassiere singular and panties plural? |
| Why is it when you transport something by car its call shipment, but when you transport
something by ship its called cargo? |
| Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together? |
| Why they are called buildings when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be
called "builts"? |
| What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane? |
| If fire fighters fight fires, and crime fighters fight crime, what do freedom fighters
fight? |
| If con is the opposite of pro, is congress the opposite of progress? |
| How come in public restrooms and public bathrooms there are generally no facilities for
either resting or bathing? |
| What is another word for "Thesaurus"? |
| Is there another word for synonym? |
| Isn't is it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
|
| Would a fly without wings be called a walk? |
| How come "abbreviated" is such a long word? |
| Why there are 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"? |
Design/process:
| Why are there interstates in Hawaii? |
| Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations where smoking is prohibited? |
| Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime? |
| How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work? |
| If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
|
| Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
|
| Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
|
| You know how most packages say "open here"- what is the protocol if the
package says "open somewhere else"? |
| Why do they put Braille dots on the keypads of the drive up ATM'S? |
| Why is it that when you are driving and looking for an address, you turn the radio down?
|
| If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? |
| When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs? |
| When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?
|
| Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"? |
| If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a
hostage situation? |
| Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? |
| Why do they report power outages on TV? |
| What do you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
|
| Is it possible to be totally partial? |
| If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? |
| Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
|
| Why do people who know the least know it the loudest? |
| If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off?
|
| If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound? |
| Why you press harder on a remote when you know the battery is dead? |
| Should vegetarians eat animal crackers? |
| If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? |
| If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat? |
| If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
|
| If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right? |
Other:
| Have you ever imagined a world without hypothetical situations? |
| Why is it that there are more horse's asses in the world than horses? |
| If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? |
Thanks to Mona Mason for these:
| Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays? |
| Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to? |
| Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? |
| If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? |
| If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2? |
| If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too? |
| If you're born again, do you have two bellybuttons? |
| If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? |
| If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it FedUP? |
| Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them? |
| How come you never hear about gruntled employees? |
| If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while
you're ahead"? |
| What was the best thing before sliced bread and paper napkins? |
| Why is a carrot more orange than an orange? |
| Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything
outdoors? |
| Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it? |
| Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? |
| Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"? |
Thanks to Frank
Jakubecz for these:
| How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink? |
| If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? |
| What happens if you get scared half to death twice? |
| Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk? |
| Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? |
| What is the speed of dark? |
| Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to
do... write to these people? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps
so the postal carriers could look for them while they delivered the mail? |
| How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there? |
| If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for? |
| Have you ever noticed that STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS? |
| Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag? |
| If a bus station is where a bus stops and a train station is where a train stops, then
why do they put work stations on desks? |
| Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? |
| Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections? |
| Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny? |
| Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse? |
| Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it? |
| Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until
you hear them speak? |
| Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already
know you don't have? |
| If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what
is it expanding into? |
| If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver
end up owing you money? |
| What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way? |
| Do fish get cramps after eating? |
| Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door? |
| How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone
threw a gun at him? |
| Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid
contains real lemons? |
| Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? |
| What do little birdies see when they get knocked unconscious? |
| Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent? |
| What would happen if you stop to think, and forget to start again? |
Thanks to Arlona McCallum for these:
| Can atheists get insurance for acts of God? |
| If they arrested the Energizer Bunny, would they charge it with battery? |
| Does fuzzy logic tickle? |
| If a tin whistle is made out of tin (and it is), then what, exactly, is a fog horn made
out of? |
| Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check? |
| What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men? |
| If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how
cold is it going to be? |
| Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers? |
| Whatever happened to Absorbine Senior? |
| Why do they call it a TV 'set', when you only get one? |
| Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand? |
| If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? |
| If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? |
| Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing? |
| Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing? |
| Why do 'tug' boats push barges? |
| Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already
there? |
| Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting? |
| Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"? |
| Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected? |
| Why is phonics not spelled the way it sounds? |
Thanks to Renie from Canada for these:
| Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids?" |
| Why do croutons come in airtight packages since it's just stale bread to begin with? |
| "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it
be that "I do" is the longest sentence? |
| Why do we say something is out of whack? Where is the whack? |
| When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents
in what happens to the other penny? |
| If Superman is so clever, why is his underwear on the outside? |
| Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? |
| Is the main reason Santa is so jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live? |
| Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra? |
| Why do they call it a "Garage Sale" when the garage is not for sale? |
Thanks to Diane &
Gerald Schulz for these:
| If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times,does he become
disoriented? |
| If you mixed vodka with orange juice and milk of magnesia, would you get a Phillip's
Screwdriver? |
| If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? |
| Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn't they wear night gowns? |
| If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? |
| When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say? |
| Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car
not called a racist? |
| Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites? |
| Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things? |
| If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible? |
| Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one? |
| If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians
can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons
debarked and dry cleaners depressed? |
| Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you
will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to
be sure? |
Thanks to Pete Torres for these:
| How is it possible to have a civil war? |
| If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it? |
| Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? |
| What happens when none of your bees wax? |
| Where are we going? And what's with this handbasket? |
| Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? |
| Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup? |
| Why does a dog love sticking his head out of the window of a moving car, but get mad
when you blow in his face? |
| Why is it that everybody that drives lower than you an idiot, but those that drive
faster are maniacs? |
| If you have a seafood lunch while at SeaWorld, are you munching on the slow learners? |
Thanks to Lori Richard for these:
| Why is the hardness of the butter always proportional to the softness of the bread? |
| Is a clear conscience really the sign of bad memory? |
Thanks to Arden Kolb-DeBolt for these:
| Why do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their
prescriptions? |
| Why do banks leave both doors open and then chain the cheap pens to the counters? |
| Why do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't
miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place? |
| Why do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight? |
| If "Poli" in Latin means "many" and "tics" meaning
"blood-sucking creatures", then what does "Politics" mean? |
Do you have a great question?
 Then
send it to us! If we like it, we will add it!
We'll even give you credit!
|
